Man! I Feel Like An Onna
by Alia Lowe
Summary: The much asked for sequel of Valentine Onnas. You must read that first to understand the humor. What was Duo's reaction to Wufei's e-mail? How does he exact his revenge. Some Relena bashing, lots of humor.


Disclaimer: I do not Gundam Wing or "Man! I feel like a woman" by Shania Twain. I also don't own the chain letter that started the prequel.  
  
This is a sequel to "Valentine Onnas". You'd probably have to read it first to understand some of the humor.  
  
Enjoy ^_^ ~Alia~  
  
Man! I Feel Like an Onna!  
  
"You've got mail!"  
  
"What the...!?"  
  
Duo had just gotten home from working at the Preventers Headquarters and was looking at his mailbox with suspicion. Why did he have five forwarded e-mails from Wufei entitled 'Valentine Onnas'?  
  
After scanning for viruses, Duo opened one of the e-mails with curiosity.  
  
WOMEN  
They smile when they want to scream.  
They sing when they want to cry.  
  
'Sounds like PMS,' Duo thought.  
  
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.  
They fight for what they believe in.   
They stand up for injustice  
  
'I can imagine Wufei's response that that one.'  
.   
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.  
They go without new shoes so their children can have them.  
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.   
They love unconditionally.   
They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.  
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a new marriage.   
Their hearts break when a friend dies.   
They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.   
  
'Hmm, I know that feeling all too well,' thought Duo.  
  
They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.   
Women come in all SIZES, in all colors and shapes.   
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.   
The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin!  
Women do more than just give birth.  
They bring joy and hope.  
They give compassion and ideals.  
They give moral support to their family and friends.  
Women have a lot to say and a lot to give.   
This has been sent to you from someone who respects you as a woman. Pass it along to your woman friends to remind them how amazing they are...  
  
Duo widened his eyes. 'What the...!? I'm not a woman! What is Wufei up to now?'  
  
IT'S BEAUTIFUL WOMEN MONTH!   
IT'S GOOD TO BE THE WOMAN  
We got off the Titanic first.   
We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.  
  
'What's wrong with that?' Duo wondered. 'I do it all the time.'  
  
Taxis stop for us.   
We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.   
No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.   
  
'True that(1). Now if only we were allowed to wear Speedos more often...'  
  
We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.   
  
'I get the feeling Wufei made a snide remark about me while he was reading this line.'  
  
If we forget to shave, no one has to know.   
We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear.   
We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.   
  
Duo blinked. 'I thought they liked having their rears patted after a victory.' Duo unconsciously looked down.  
  
We have the ability to dress ourselves.  
We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.  
  
Duo smirked. 'Where's the fun in that?'   
  
There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.   
We'll never regret piercing our ears.  
We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.  
We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence, because they aren't listening anyway.  
  
'Ah, so that's what they talk about all day,' Duo thought as his took out a pen and paper and wrote a note about it. After all, he had just learned one of the great mysteries of the world.  
  
SEND THIS TO FIVE BRIGHT WOMEN YOU KNOW AND MAKE THEIR DAY!!!  
  
"Hmm," Duo said out loud. "Now how can I use this to get back at Wuffers?" Suddenly an idea hit him. Duo started to type on his laptop mumbling, "I am a genius. I just hope the timer works on this thing."  
  
* * * *  
sometime during the night  
* * * *  
  
Duo snuck out of Relena's closet and closed the door gently. As soon as he had found his way out of the mansion he quietly said, "you won't mind if I borrow this for a day will you 'Lena?" Stage One was complete. Now time for Stage Two.  
  
* * * *  
  
It was still 10 o'clock in the morning and Wufei was already on his second cup of coffee. Once again, he had to fight the many masses of women to walk from the break room to his own office. It had not been the best of mornings, and top it all off Maxwell was late...again.  
  
Wufei had been working on another report when he got an incoming e-mail from Duo. Wufei opened it without looking at the subject title thinking it was Maxwell's excuse for being late.  
  
Loud music began to blast from Wufei's speakers as Duo entered the door on cue.  
  
// I'm going out tonight-I'm feelin' alright  
Gonna let it all hang out  
Wanna make some noise-really raise my voice  
Yeah, I wanna scream and shout //  
  
"Maxwell!" Wufei cried out in frustration. He tried to close the e-mail but his computer was locked up. The baka had attached a virus.  
  
// No inhibitions-make no conditions  
Get a little outta line  
I ain't gonna act politically correct  
I only wanna have a good time //  
  
The rest of the office had gone quiet as Wufei stood up from his office and looked for the braided culprit. His chin almost hit the floor. Duo was dancing in the aisle way singing along with the lyrics.  
  
// The best thing about being an onna  
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and... //  
  
Duo was wearing the most hideous pink jacket with a pink skirt, gaudy pink eye shadow and blue-colored contacts, topped off with enough sparkles to blind someone. To make it even worse, his long hair that was now in a ponytail, was died blonde.  
  
// Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady  
Men's shirts-short skirts  
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style  
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction  
Color my hair-do what I dare  
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel  
Man! I feel like an onna! //  
  
The women in the office began to laugh and joined in to help Duo sing the chorus.  
  
// The girls need a break-tonight we're gonna take  
The chance to get out on the town  
We don't need romance-we only wanna dance  
We're gonna let our hair hang down //  
  
Duo took down his pony tail and let his long blonde tresses fall down his back.  
  
It was that precise moment that Heero decided to come into the office. "Ahhh!!"  
  
Duo turned around. "Oh," Heero sighed in relief. "I thought you were that rich bitch Relena. Uh, Duo?"  
  
"Yes Hee-chan?" Heero ignored Duo's nickname for him.  
  
"Why are you dressed like an onna?"  
  
"Well," Duo began to explain. "Wufei sent me this e-mail about the virtues of women and I kinda just felt like showing him a little more of my feminine side." Heero nodded at this explanation but quirked an eyebrow at Wufei.  
  
"Then why are you dressed like a freak?"  
  
// I get totally crazy  
Can you feel it  
Come, come, come on baby  
I feel like an onna //  
  
Owari  
  
(1) I say this all the time. True that, true that  
How was that for a sequel? Read and review if you want to see even more. Maybe I can do either a prequel to why Sally sent the original e-mail to Wufei or another sequel about the other pilot's reactions to getting the e-mail. Duo had to send the other 4 e-mails to someone else...lol  
AN: my friend Sarah did this to our band teacher Mr. B. She programmed his computer to play "Heart and Soul" every time he accessed a file. To this day, he refuses to play or listen to the song. 


End file.
